Still in shock…

 …it’s hard to imagine a world without my sister in it.

She had a quadruple bypass on Thursday. Her heart was not strong enough to come back after the surgery and she passed away. 

I was almost 16 when she was born. She had a different father than I had, but I never though of her as my half-sister.  She was my baby sister and I loved her.

I took care of her a lot the first year of her life. I didn’t live at home after that. My family moved and I stayed with a friend’s family while I finished high school. I went off to college after that and then married at 19.

During visits home, I’d get to spend time with her. When I married, I had more financial resources and I was able to spoil her and my little brother with the toys that I always wanted as a kid. 

When I had my daughter, my sister was 12. Some summers, I would have my sister live with us to help care for our daughter and to give her relief from living at home. My mother was pretty hard on my sister. Mom was unrelenting when it came to chores and having them done in her time schedule and done “right.” I experienced this myself and understood the need to be away from it for a while.

As adults, we were always there for each other. While we didn’t talk often, we did text. When we saw each other, we just picked up where we left off. 

With our mother’s advancing decline due to age and her memory problems, we acted as a team to deal with mom’s health and financial issues. Because she lived in the same town as our mom, she took over the day-to-day. I am 200+ miles away, so I handled some of the long term financial issues.

As my sister’s health issues surfaced, we talked a lot more. In the last year, I’ve visited mom several times, 3 to 7 days at a time. My sister and I got to spend more time with each other. I’m so thankful for that. 

The last time that we saw each other was the week before her surgery. The family gathered for my uncle’s memorial. She was scared about her surgery. Before I left, we hugged a long time and told each other how much we loved each other.

Her surgery was early in the morning, so I talked to her the day before. I texted her before I went to bed, telling her how much I loved her. She texted back “I love you more.”

Rest in power, my sweet Michelle. I will miss you every day of my life.